She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
