i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
