It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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