You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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