Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
