I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
