I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
