she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
