i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
