when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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