i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
