Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
