All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
