I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
