eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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