Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
