I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found puke in my bra..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
