96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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