I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
