even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
