thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
