i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
