There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
