all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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