Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
