I love black thongs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
