I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
