Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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