just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
