i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
