I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
