When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
