when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
