I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
