glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
