Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
from now on my penis is your penis
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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