College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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