I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
