I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
