R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize