i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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