i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
handjob tips. give me some.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize