i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
