Sry I called you an 8
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You are a genius and a whore.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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