Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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