Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize