Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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