Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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