Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
