i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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