Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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