"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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