she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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