Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
