I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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