well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
