Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
