I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pants are for mortals
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
