Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
