Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
