He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize