I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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