I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
