i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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