Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
